How Not to Sell Your Wii U Game
Are you currently developing a video game for the Wii U? Have you been thinking about how not to sell your Wii U title? Well, you’re in luck because I’ve decided to compile a list of tips to ensure your Wii U game is a failure.
Develop an Uninspired HD Collection
First things first, if you want to succeed, you’ll need creative software that is built from the ground up with the Wii U in mind. In your case, ignore that piece of advice and bring a seven year old game to the Wii U, complete with higher resolution textures. In fact, why not throw the sequel in, as well. While you’re at it, make sure this series has never before been released on a Nintendo console. Hopefully, if you follow these tips, you’ll sell less than 2,000 copies.
Don’t Utilize any of the Wii U’s Strengths to Your Advantage
The Wii U is a unique console with a lot of unique strengths. There is a growing social community, exclusive to the Wii U, called the Miiverse. Make sure your game has absolutely no Miiverse features. Also, you see that Wii U GamePad? Don’t think of innovative ways that let gamers interact with your software using the Wii U GamePad. Instead, put a map on the touchscreen, and definitely do not support off-TV play.
Strip Away All Online Features
So, you’re on your way to wasting a bunch of resources including, but not limited to, money and time. But you’re looking for more ways to knock your Wii U game down a peg. Here’s a neat tip: release the same game, complete with enticing online multiplayer and additional DLC, on the Xbox 360 and PS3. Now, create a trailer showcasing said features, but at the end, don’t include the Wii U logo. Like a bee to nectar, numerous blogs and websites will create a deafening buzz regarding the absence of these features in the Wii U version of the same game coming to other consoles. If you’ve done your part, thousands of potential customers will now boycott your product.
This leads me to my final tip…
Proactively Ensure Potential Customers Will Ignore Your Future Efforts on the Wii U
Before the Wii U garners a large install base, you’ll need to take every opportunity possible to piss off Wii U owners. Actively bash the console’s specs and announce your decision to not support the Wii U. Then, after some time has passed – the length of time is up to you – tell potential customers that you’re waiting to see if the Wii U sells a lot of consoles. If the console does manage to become a “viable platform,” start releasing ports of year old titles and a couple of bare-boned sports games for good measure. If that’s not good enough, make sure you implement the previous three tips to ensure customers look the other way. Afterward, to prove your point, complain that Wii U owners didn’t buy your lackluster software and that you will no longer support the console.
I hope these four tips will help you create more uninspired Wii U software, destined to find its way to the bargain bin.