Category Archives: Retro Flashback

Retro Flashback – WWF No Mercy

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WWFNoMercy_rockvshhh1It is I, that guy you all think is awesome. Please, please stop clapping. I recently did a retro review for Silent Hill – which you should check out – but today I’m trying something new, which if successful, could be a series of articles. I shall call it – wait for it – actually, it’s in the title. HA! I’m a clever one, aren’t I? This is not a review; it’s a recap, a story, based on a memory from my younger years. Like an acid flashback, but without the melting walls, or Marlon Brando eating cake.

Back in my teen years of the early 2000s, there was a game released for the N64, the Holy Grail – if you would – of wrestling games. WWF No Mercy. It’s a great game, super fun, with really good controls.  But like I said, this is not a review, so you’ll need to play the game for yourself.

I was at my friend’s house, who I shall call Hot Rod – aren’t inside jokes grand? Since neither of us had jobs, we had to rent the game. Yes kids, back in my day we rented stuff. It was Hot Rod’s idea, being the evil genius – or bastard, depending on who you ask – to make me play on the hardest difficulty. Not just a one-on-one match, oh no, he made it a 4-way, tag team, elimination match, with each team having 5 or so wrestlers on them. I can’t remember much, but I will recap the last bit from my awesome memory.

After 70 or more minutes, it was down to just me, The Rock, against the final CPU wrestler, Triple H – cue epic music. At this point, The Rock had already put away 2 wrestlers from Triple H’s team, so his energy was pretty low. Triple runs in and SMACK, down goes Rocky from a clothesline. Triple H starts laying down kicks to the gut of the great one. Oh no, he just suplexed Rocky, now he’s in the danger zone. Triple H goes for the pin but the Brahma Bull kicks out, just barely. Triple H picks up The Rock and delivers his finisher, the Pedigree.

Nooooooooooooooo!

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2…

The Rock kicks out! Wooooooo!

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The Rock kicked out, at least he has some gas left in the tank. Triple H picks him up again, but this time Irish whips him into the ropes. On his way back, Rocky counters, knocking HHH to the ground. He starts stomping away at The Game, slowly getting his special metre up. Oh no, Triple moves out of the way and goes outside to regain his health. I didn’t want to risk anything, so I let the blonde pixelated bastard do it. Triple H rolls back into the ring and they’re off, trading punch for punch, kick for kick, inflicting a lot of damage (good thing I switched to Geico). All of a sudden, a Samoan drop from The Rock! Oh, what’s this? The Rocks special metre is flashing? He’s going to go for it. The People’s Elbow! The crowd goes wild – well, just me and Hot Rod… shut up.

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Damn it! Triple H kicked out.

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Rocky picks him up, lands a kick to the gut, which is followed up by a suplex. I go to pick him up again, but Triple H counters the second suplex and gives The Rock a back drop. Crap, Triple H starts laying ground work on The Rock, knocking his metre down. Oh, come on! He got his special already? This game is cheap. Triple H picks up The Rock and tosses him into the turnbuckle. Oh god, please don’t… yup, a superplex to the cold, hard mat. Triple H picks up Rocky, and lays him out with another Pedigree.

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*piss break*

ROCKY KICKS OUT!

He did it, he managed to kick out. Triple H begins to assault The Rock, but his energy is also fading. The Rock manages to counter with a DDT! Get back up Rock, get up! Rocky slowly gets back to his blocky feet. Will he? Yes, he will! He taps the shoulders of Triple H with each foot and begins to run. He bounces off the ropes and hops over a prone Triple H, bounces off the ropes again before hitting an electrifying elbow; one so electrifying it could sustain a small Ukrainian village with power for a year.

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OH, COME ON!

Triple H kicked out, I can’t believe it. It’s been nearly 90 minutes since the beginning of this elimination-style match, I’m getting tired, my hands are cramping, and I’m sweating like I just discovered Showcase  - on channel 34 – for the first time. The Rock gets up and starts laying the boots to Triple H, but Triple H once again moves out of the way and goes for a counter, but what’s this? The Rock counters Triple H and… ROCK BOTTOM!

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3!

It’s finally f****** over! ROCK WINS! ROCK WINS!

Now, did it go down exactly like that? Probably not, but it’s been a little more than 10 years since that match and this is the way I like to remember it.

If this does become a semi-regular feature, will the rest be this long? No, but I figured I’d start off with a bang. Now, if you excuse me, my walls seem to be melting.